


Lost Memories

by Tsukimi11



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Amnesiac Riku, Angst, Canon Divergence, Gen, Selective Amnesia, Tenn suffers because he loves Riku very much, Tenn-centric, focuses on Tenn and Riku during part 1 and part 2, some spoilers for anime-only fans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 13:58:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16577831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukimi11/pseuds/Tsukimi11
Summary: Tenn left his family and Riku behind because he thought that was for the best.Never would have he thought that Riku would forget he had a twin brother.





	Lost Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KaguraKurosaki](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=KaguraKurosaki).



> Sometimes my angst gauge gets filled to the max and I get the urge to make my sons suffer, so this time I took one AU I discussed with dear Kagura and wrote it down.
> 
> Enjoy!

 Riku was Tenn’s everything, maybe since the moment he was born.

 It might have been because it was always the two of them together, or it might have been Riku’s always bright smile, or it might have been Riku’s teary eyes that made his heart clench painfully in his chest. Whatever the reason, Tenn was sure that whatever happened, he loved his twin brother and would do anything to make him happy.

 Even if it meant leaving his side forever.

 He always thought that they would be together until hell froze over—because there was nothing that could prevent him from being by his side, Riku’s permanent hospitalizations be dammed—, but to think that Riku could be saved if he left…

 He hated the idea, but if it was that or Riku dying because they wouldn’t be able to afford his treatment, he would gladly go with whoever helped pay the hospital bills.

 His happiness mattered little compared to Riku’s life.

 Maybe, some day Riku would grow to understand and forgive him, even if Tenn would never be allowed to see his twin brother again.

 With these thoughts in mind, he swallowed down the lump in his throat, willed his tears to disappear and stepped forward to grab Kujo Takamasa’s hand, trying to drown Riku’s cries, because _he couldn’t be the reason Riku was crying, that was absurd and impossible_.

 But at the same time he wanted to record those wails in his heart forever, for it could be the last time he saw his twin brother at all.

 

 

 Life abroad was strange, but he adapted quickly and did his best with anything that Kujo asked of him.

  _The faster I finish my schooling and my training here, the faster I can go back to Japan and to Riku._

The nights were lonely and cold, but he always managed to fall asleep after gazing at Riku’s pictures and thinking of how healthy his brother should be now.

  _If Riku’s healthy and happy, I am happy too._

 

 

 When he finally came back to Japan, he was told to join a group called Trigger.

 Tenn obeyed as always.

 Gaku was way too romantic and idealistic and Ryuu was way too naïve and kind, but over time he started to like their presence and to admire them for their hard-work on making their group well-known.

 They couldn’t compare to Riku’s light, but he was less lonely and thought that _maybe this is what having friends feels like._

 There were some troubles after one of his concerts because a rival group had started dancing outside the venue and Anesagi was mad because they were stealing their fans. Gaku had gotten their profiles and Tenn was surprised to recognize the three guys who had helped him get into the stadium, and felt something akin to pride when he thought how their live concert had managed to inspire them to dance and sing on the spot.

 Until he saw a face that was more than familiar, and he almost choked on air.

  _What is Riku doing in an idol agency?_

 At first he was worried sick because _what if Riku has an attack during a concert_ or _what if this entertainment world corrupts him_ , but after thinking carefully, maybe he was completely cured of his illness and was fit for working as an idol.

 As if.

 Being an idol was not an easy and pretty job, and he couldn’t expose his reason for being to such a dirty world, for it would destroy Riku, his smile lost forever.

 And there was this small voice in the back of his mind that kept whispering _what if he became an idol to look for you?_

 He tried to ignore that voice as well as the painful swelling in his heart.

 

 

 The Music Festa was a disaster.

 Trigger did well as always, but he was still mad by the pitiful performance exhibited by Idolish7 and demonstrated it by glaring at the members when they crossed paths for a second.

 They were supposed to be professionals, for God’s sake.

 He noticed that Riku visibly flinched in terror upon his glare, and while some part of him screamed _because he had sworn to never hurt Riku_ , he knew it was necessary.

  _We’re not longer brothers, just fellow idols._

 It hurt to think like that.

 

 

 Sometimes he would check on Idolish7’s activities, and seeing Riku singing in his earnest pulled some strings in his heart that he had thought forgotten, and he longed to be by his brother’s side once more.

 But they couldn’t, because they weren’t family anymore.

  _But Riku seems happy, so I’m happy_.

 

 

  _Something was wrong_.

 Tenn didn’t know what it was, but he felt it. He met by chance with Riku near Zero Arena and he heard his brother talk about his uncertainties about the future, which was not bad per se, but the way Riku called him politely “Kujo-san” and the way he smiled apologetically seemed off.

 Almost as if Riku was talking with someone he knew he could trust but the warmth that Tenn used to feel radiate from his brother was gone.

  _Maybe this is a punishment_.

 He smiled back, hoped that the stiff way Riku talked to him was because his brother was struggling to sound professional and not like a little kid who needed help from his older brother, and sent him back to his teammates, watching sadly how Riku perked up upon seeing them and ran to them, laughing.

 

 

 The more Trigger did work with Idolish7, the more Tenn felt that something was amiss.

 Or maybe it was just his sadness and jealously upon seeing that Riku called all his teammates by their given names in an affective way and he was still “Kujo-san” with a bit of uncertainty and politeness in his voice that could fool everyone but him.

 Because no matter how many years it had been, he could still read Riku like an open book.

 How was it that even Gaku, _that Gaku_ , was called Yaotome-san in a cheerful voice and somehow the relationship between Riku and him seemed like that of two strangers?

  _It’s because he hates you. It’s because you abandoned him when he needed you the most._

 

 

“Riku.”

 Riku seemed startled for a few seconds, and stared confusedly at Tenn.

“Kujo-san? What are you doing here in my room? And did you just call me by my first name?”

 Tenn sighed, closing the door behind him.

“Riku, I came here because I need to talk to you about something.”

 Riku tilted his head, a puzzled expression still in his face, until something clicked in his brain and he grinned happily.

“Oh, so do you want us to call each other by our given names? Well, it does make sense because we’re rivals and we have done tons of work together!” Riku was beaming whereas it was now Tenn’s turn to be confused. “Although calling you ‘Tenn’ sounds a bit weird…”

 Riku laughed sheepishly, while something inside Tenn was breaking.

  _Not Tenn. You used to call me ‘Tenn-nii.’ Am I not your brother in your eyes anymore?_

“It’s not about that, Riku,” Tenn shook his head. He needed to focus on the real motive of his visit and not wallow in self-hatred right now. “It’s about your condition. Your body is too weak to be an idol and you know it, otherwise Izumi Iori wouldn’t have had to step in as the new center.”

 Riku’s eyes grew wide with fear, and Tenn saw how tense he was.

“How… How did you know about my illness?”

  _What?_

“Did… Did Iori tell you?” Riku was slowly backing away, and Tenn wanted to cry because this was something he had never wanted to see in his life, _because there was no way Riku would be scared of him_. “No, Iori would never… Was it Tamaki?”

“Riku,” Tenn was growing scared as well, be it for the implied rejection, the words that were making no sense coming out of Riku’s mouth or the possibility of Riku getting an attack right here and there. “Calm down, or you’d get an attack.”

“H-How do you know—”

“Riku, please breathe,” Tenn raised his hands and slowly stepped towards Riku in case his brother collapsed suddenly. “Just relax.”

“But…”

 Riku was scared and somehow Tenn getting closer was making him more scared even, so he stopped trying to get closer, his hands starting to tremble with worry.

“Riku, it’s just me, you don’t have to be scared. It’s just me.”

“But why would Trigger’s Kujo Tenn know about my illness?”

 There was something very wrong in those words, and as Tenn’s mind worked to decipher the meaning behind them, one possibility arose that let him numb and more scared than ever.

“Riku, can you please answer this question? How many siblings do you have?”

 Riku was still scared, but complied anyway.

“I’m an only child, why?”

 Tenn’s world had crumpled to pieces upon hearing Riku’s answer, even though he should have been expecting it.

 Riku had somehow forgotten about him.

 

 

 Upon searching for answers, Tenn found out that right after he left with his adopted father, Riku had suffered a severe attack. Problem is, it was so bad that it momentarily put him into a coma, and when he woke up, his brain had conveniently wiped out any memory of Tenn.

 His parents, scared of what would happen if Riku were to remember, hid all the photos of their eldest son and locked his room, and asked everyone to keep quiet about Riku’s twin brother.

 Tenn felt he couldn’t breathe.

 He had done everything he could to save his brother, but at the cost of his existence. He didn’t regret it—he would rather suffer with the knowledge that Riku didn’t remember him than having him dead—but it pained him nevertheless.

 But maybe, maybe he deserved this pain.

  _If Riku is happy, I’m happy. Even if I have to suffer this heartache until my last breath, if Riku is healthy and happy…_

  Tenn gazed at Riku’s childhood pictures and held back a sob.

**Author's Note:**

> "Nanase-san, why are you crying?"  
> "I don't know, but I just feel... sad."  
> "Why would you feel sad?"  
> "I don't know, Iori... but it feels I'm forgetting something really important and I can't remember, so it hurts..."


End file.
